Male Mentors: Joseph, the Stepfather to Jesus
Christmas Sunday was one to remember.
The music by the choir was heavenly; the message about the Savior, inspiring.
Greek and Latin translations of Bible verses captured my attention, which remained fixed to the speaker’s final ‘amen’.
The Christmas Story
Shepherds.
Angels.
Wise Men.
Mary.
Words of wisdom were shared about many aspects of the Christmas story.
It was, however, the remarks made about another important figure in the life of Jesus that really struck a chord with me. Of this person, the speaker said,
“If you are serving anonymously, remember that so, too, did one of the greatest men on earth…Joseph, the stepfather of Jesus.”
In one word, Joseph was a mentor to Jesus.
The Need For Male Mentors
Today, the need for male mentors for our sons remains high.
According to one source, male mentorship requires a “male-driven ‘system’, in which discipline, morality teaching, and emotional sustenance are provided by males, for males. We mean elder men, with women alongside, helping high-density male groups—as in a classroom or sports field or community program. We mean older boys nurturing younger boys in male peer groups. We mean younger boys seeking both challenge and kindness in environments full of male energy. We mean fathers, male mentors, coaches, teachers, older boys, grandfathers and other older men, male leaders, male role models, male heroes, male sports figures, and male peers…Boys can’t nurture boys into men.”
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Gratitude for Mentors
Shortly after reading that quote, I sat with my 11-year-old son and shared with him the definition of a mentor. I then asked him if he has any mentors in his life.
He sat, deep in thought, reflecting on the question more intently than I thought he would.
Finally, nodding his head, he shared a few names with me—names of family members, coaches, and individuals who have touched his life in meaningful and exemplary ways. I was not at all surprised by the names he shared.
As I thought about his response, I was impressed by how easily he was able to recognize the positive impact these men have had on his life, but nothing prepared me for what came next.
“Those are great examples of mentors,” I told him. “Can you think of anyone else who has been a mentor to you?”
“Yes,” he responded after a brief pause.
The name he shared with me–the name of a family friend–left me feeling stunned. Despite years of friendship and support from this male friend and his family, I had never before considered him to be a mentor.
But my son had.
In that moment, I was filled with gratitude for every man in this world who goes beyond the call of duty to teach, to encourage, to mentor the boys with whom he comes into contact.
Our boys are in desperate need of more male mentors in their lives—older males who lead and bless and guide, often anonymously, as did Joseph, the stepfather of Jesus.
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What Makes a Man?
“What makes a man?” I asked my son.
“Will you become a man when you get your driver’s license?
When you turn 21?
When you become a father?
Or is there more to becoming a man than just privilege, age, or a particular role in life?”
“There’s more to it,” he responded, thoughtfully.
It’s interesting to me how our culture lacks greatly in an area in which so many other cultures around the world thrive. That is, the business of raising boys to be men.
According to one article 1: “Modern American males possess few meaningful, ceremonial means of formally marking their passage from boyhood to manhood. What our culture does provide (high school “commencement,” d[r]iver’s license, the armed services, higher education, voting rights, drinking rights, employment, the age of twenty-one, possible marriage and fatherhood) can hardly be said to comprise a coherent rite of passage.”
Different cultures, throughout history, are known for their rituals—their rites of passage. These help to train their boys, beginning around the age of ten, to become men. With the help of their fathers and other men in their lives, boys are given challenges, responsibilities, projects, and wise counsel that propel them down the path towards manhood. They become ‘men’ only if they earn it.
“’Men’ are made, not born,” argues Michael Kimmel, a professor of sociology at Stony Brook University. “Manhood is not a manifestation of an inner essence … [it] does not bubble up to consciousness from our biological constitution; it is created in our culture.”
Boys need to be vaccinated with values, mentored in morality, and steered in their spirituality.
Stephen James and david thomas, “Wild things: the Art of Nurturing Boys”
Conclusion
How can we, as parents–and as a society–train our boys to become men?
How have the lives of your sons been blessed by the influence of male mentors?
(Source: A Fine Young Man: What Parents, Mentors and Educators Can Do To Shape Adolescent Boys Into Exceptional Men by Michael Gurian, p. 72, 255-275)
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Fatherhood Quotes
Here is what they had to say: (without images)
“… we believe in fathers. We believe in ‘the ideal of the man who puts his family first.’ We believe that ‘by divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.’ We believe that in their complementary family duties, ‘fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.’ We believe that far from being superfluous, fathers are unique and irreplaceable.”
D. Todd Christofferson
“Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.
Behold, he was a man like unto Ammon, the son of Mosiah, yea, and even the other sons of Mosiah, yea, and also Alma and his sons, for they were all men of God.
Now behold, Helaman and his brethren were no less serviceable unto the people than was Moroni”
Alma 48:17-19
