7 Pornography Misconceptions: Battling the Plague of our Day
The first time I was exposed to pornography was right after High School. I had just moved into my first apartment and was flipping through the cable channels on TV in an attempt to relax after work.
It was my first time using cable.
As I clicked through the channels, I came to a bedroom scene that shocked me. Never before had this naive small town girl ever seen something that was supposed to be kept sacred and private and within the bonds of marriage exhibited so publicly, and with such distaste. Thankfully, my spirit felt repulsed, and I vowed to do all in my power to avoid seeing anything like that again.
Unfortunately, as much as I’d like to forget it, that bedroom scene has stayed with me all these years. While I have not seen anything as bad as that scene over the years, I have seen things that have come close.
Someone once asked me, “I believe people who look at pornography deserve a second chance, do you?”
What I am about to share is my answer to that question.
Posts may contain affiliate links, including Amazon links. At no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. See disclosure policy for details.
Consequences
Regardless of where you stand on the pornography use spectrum⎯from unintended viewer, to occasional user, to addict⎯the consequences of viewing pornography are far reaching.
The scene I saw after High School deeply affected my perception of healthy intimacy.
With that in mind, I believe there are (at least) seven pornography misconceptions that make it especially damaging in today’s society. This information is based on conversations I’ve had with various individuals throughout my life, as well as with my own children. Children, youth, and adults would benefit from having a better understanding of these pornography misconceptions.
Pornography Misconceptions
MISCONCEPTION #1: Everyone is viewing pornography. It is unavoidable in today’s world.
TRUE and FALSE
These days, unless you live on an island in some far off land, it is impossible to completely avoid pornography. Each of us will have encounters with pornographic material in our day-to-day lives through magazines, movies, commercials, billboards, jokes, books, TV shows, internet, and on and on.
What remains possible is the ability to choose not to continue looking at pornography when it makes its appearance.
Don’t believe anyone⎯friends, family, neighbors, community leaders, church leaders⎯who tells you that everyone is viewing it and that it is unavoidable in the society in which we live. Exposure is different than viewing. Exposure happens to us all; viewing happens by choice.
Looking away or walking away from anything that depicts a body that is being treated with disrespect (immodesty, immoral act, seductive posture, violence, etc.) is 100% possible in today’s society.
Set your standards high and join the ranks of those who are proving that the viewing of pornography is optional.
#1 Best Selling Book for Children
Good Pictures, Bad Pictures
Teach children how to recognize the difference between good pictures and bad pictures and how to appropriately respond to the bad
MISCONCEPTION #2: It wasn’t pornography because they had clothes on.
FALSE
Pornography has been defined as “any material intended to cause sexual excitement”. Think sports magazines, women’s magazines, teen magazines, YouTube videos, popular movies, commercials, billboards, jokes and fowl humor, books (both educational and entertainment), TV shows, internet ads, video games, and on and on.
Sexual excitement caused by pornographic material is possible regardless of whether or not clothes are worn.
MISCONCEPTION #3: The intentional thinking of impure thoughts is not as bad as acting on those thoughts.
FALSE
While acting on one’s impure thoughts will surely bring about undesired consequences, the intentional thinking of those impure thoughts is a sin in and of itself.
“But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman (or man) to lust for her (him) has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28
The ability to control one’s thoughts may be more difficult for some than for others. This can depend on one’s life experience, and several other factors. Each of us have bad thoughts on occasion, perhaps even every day. The goal is to get in the habit of tossing those impure thoughts into the mental trash can. Picture a little trash can in your brain as soon as the thoughts make their appearance. (Go ahead⎯try it! Turn it into a character-building game!)
MISCONCEPTION #4: Viewing pornography did not affect me in a negative way.
FALSE
Whether the user recognizes it or not, pornography affects one’s view of intimacy and of the opposite sex. Pornography damages relationships in devastating and often irreparable ways.
Pornography:
- creates unrealistic expectations
- makes experiencing healthy intimacy (with anyone in your life) nearly impossible
- alters one’s perception of what is unholy, impure, and unnatural, both in and out of a covenant marriage relationship
- creates an insatiable appetite for physical connection
- depletes one’s ability to experience emotional connection
- creates in the user feelings of shame, frustration, selfishness, anger, and other negative emotions
- destroys human respect and replaces it with human objectification, wherein a person becomes an object wherewith to satisfy one’s lustful desires
- creates an environment where the Spirit cannot be present
With few exceptions, unrepentant users never recognize (or admit to recognizing) these devastating consequences that cripple their relationships. Repentant users always do.
Recognizing and acknowledging these consequences is a sign of true repentance.
MISCONCEPTION #5: I can change and repent on my own.
FALSE
If you have seen, read, or heard anything that makes reference in any way to someone’s body being treated with disrespect, tell someone immediately.
If you see, read, or hear something on accident. Tell someone immediately.
If you see, read, or hear something on purpose. Tell someone immediately.
Doing so helps to remove the toxic shame that might otherwise be felt.
If the pornographic exposure is more serious (long exposures, repeat offenses, etc.), more steps may need to be taken before one can worthily participate in covenantal experiences.
Reach out to someone with priesthood authority for help. They will be able to point you to others who can assist with your desire to change. When actions involve shame, involving others is always necessary.
What does the complete repentance process entail? First, deep humility and a change of heart. Then:
1. acknowledge the sin
2. confess the sin
3. ask forgiveness
4. turn away from the sin
5. make restitution, where possible
If you have not gone through the proper repentance process, or if you have not been fully honest with a person with authority due to shame, embarrassment, pride, or any other reason, there may be eternal consequences, for God will not be mocked.
While no one is perfect, the Lord has made it clear that striving for moral cleanliness and personal purity in thoughts and action is vital. Don’t ever sell yourself or those you love short by knowingly breaking covenants or mocking God in any way.
Have high expectations for yourself. Don’t try to see how much you can get away with. Strive continually for moral perfection, for doing so will bring the richest of blessings throughout your life and throughout eternity.
“Life is a sheet of paper white,
Whereon each one of us may write
His word or two, and then comes night.
Greatly begin! Though thou have time
But for a line, be that sublime ⎯
Not failure, but low aim, is crime.”
⎯ James Russell Lowell
MISCONCEPTION #6: Anything goes after marriage.
FALSE
In order to maintain proper worthiness, anything that is impure, unholy, or unnatural should be avoided both before and after marriage.
MISCONCEPTION #7: The Savior has the power to heal sin completely.
TRUE
But only if one admits they have a problem and turns to Him for help. Refusing to recognize the negative consequences of one’s actions can never lead to healing.
Inspiring Story
Years ago, I attended a concert by Clay Crosse. He had been a favorite Christian artist of mine, dating back to my college years. I loved listening to him sing so passionately about surrendering all to God. I remember wondering what it would be like to be married to a man like that⎯so handsome and filled with spiritual power. It wasn’t until many years later that I learned of how hypocritical Clay felt while recording the song, I Surrender All, because he was secretly involved with pornography at the time. You can hear his inspiring story about choosing the path of repentance here.
When one confesses their sin to the proper individuals, and actively engages in the repentance process, something beautiful happens: shame is replaced by peace, and secrecy is replaced by a desire to share with others, as often as possible, the healing that came from applying the Atonement of Jesus Christ to one’s life.
Boundaries
What happens if a person chooses to remain in sin, put up walls, and hide behind their personal pain and shame? Boundaries must be put in place to ensure that relationships remain safe and healthy.
Boundaries are a blessing for both giver and receiver, though the receiver seldom, if ever, views it that way. Healthy boundaries help to stabilize shattered relationships, provide opportunities for reparation, and allow for each party to exercise their agency.
In response to the question “Do you believe people who look at pornography deserve a second chance?”, my answer is UNEQUIVICALLY YES! No one is perfect; forgiveness is available to all.
However, should the relationship become emotionally or physically unsafe in any way, both parties would benefit from boundaries being put into place.
Pornography is the moral plague of our generation. Thankfully, help is available through various resources, and hope is ALWAYS available through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
“Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.” – Matthew 5:8
“Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently.” – 1 Peter 1:22
Discover more resources here.
Consider:
Are there other pornography misconceptions that you wish would be addressed?
What resources do you recommend for dealing with pornography-related issues?
What are your thoughts on setting appropriate boundaries?
