The Intimacy of a Kiss: Emotional Connection
“What are you supposed to think about while you kiss someone?”
This is one of many questions I’ve received since sharing my thoughts on intimacy. Here is my best attempt at answering that question:
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Creating Connection
Kissing, like other forms of physical intimacy, was designed by God to unify and connect two individuals on an emotional level. In order for that connection to occur, both parties must be present in the moment. If one individual is distracted, or if the intent of the kiss is to simply provide personal physical pleasure, then feelings of connection and unity cannot take place. The same can be said of hugs and holding hands and sacred acts that are only appropriate within the bonds of marriage.
Connection with Deity
Recently, my daughter shared with our family an insight regarding temples and intimacy. When we attend the temple (or attend church) and are distracted, with our focus being on something other than Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, our relationships with deity cannot be strengthened. Her insight caused me to reflect on where my focus is when attending church and the temple: Am I seeking connection with God others, or am I distracted?
Connection with Others
The same can be said of all our relationships. To reap the blessing of intimacy with family and friends, one must remain present in the moment, with complete focus on the well-being of the other person. This is why we are taught to not scroll through our phone when someone is talking to us–the person is making an effort to connect, and the phone distraction is making that connection impossible.
Personal Commitment
Acts of intimacy are sacred, which is why it is not appropriate to go around kissing everyone we date. Kissing should be a reflection of a personal commitment between two trustworthy individuals who desire a deeper emotional connection.
Kisses can be special, and kissing can be fun, but kissing is neither special nor fun in the long run when the person on the other end is distracted or thinking only of themselves.
Kissing was not designed by God to be a form of recreation.
Conclusion
So save those kisses for the one you’re ready to commit to, and the one who’s ready to commit to you. Then focus on that person during the kiss—not necessarily on how they look (body-focused), but, rather, on the qualities that make them so special to you (spirit and soul focused).
Who wouldn’t want to receive a kiss like that?
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Resources: Favorite Books and Movies that Reflect Healthy Intimacy
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Quotes
Inspiration to inspire healthy intimacy in relationships:
“Treat others with respect, not as objects used to satisfy lustful and selfish desires. … Do not do anything … that arouses sexual feelings. … Pay attention to the promptings of the Spirit so that you can be clean and virtuous”
For the Strength of Youth, 36
“Kissing has … degenerated to develop and express lust instead of affection, honor, and admiration. To kiss in casual dating is asking for trouble. What do kisses mean when handed out like pretzels and robbed of sacredness?”
Spencer W. Kimball
“During the time of courtship, please be emotionally honest in the expression of affection. Sometimes you are not as careful as you might be about when, how, and to whom you express your feelings of affection. You must realize that the desire to express affection can be motivated by other things than true love.”
Bruce C. Hafen
“When any of you—men or women—are given entrance to the heart of a trusting young friend, you stand on holy ground. In such a place you must be honest with yourself—and with your friend—about love and the expression of its symbols.”
Bruce C. Hafen
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“Affection should grow out of genuine friendship and brotherly love, not precede them, if one wishes to be sure of having real and lasting love in marriage…Affection should never be sought after as an end in itself, because this does violence to a person.
“Every action is preceded by a thought. If we want to control our actions, we must control our thinking.” Brethren, fill your minds with good thoughts, and your actions will be proper. May each one of you be able to echo in truth the line from Tennyson spoken by Sir Galahad: ‘My strength is as the strength of ten, because my heart is pure.’”
“One kiss on the forehead is much sweeter than a thousand kisses on the lips. No lust but full of love and respect.”
Unknown
“When couples love God first, they love each other better.”
Brela DelaHoussaye
“You know it’s true love when they bring you closer to God.”
Unknown
“Kissing is a big deal. It is one of the most intimate things that you can do with someone.”
Unknown
“The world will tell us everything is acceptable. But is it indeed? God’s Word says different, and as Christians we are to stand on His Word and follow His commands to lead a holy life. “Be holy for I am holy” (1 Peter 1:16)”
** This post has been 100% endorsed by my teenagers.
