Surround Yourself With People Who Support Your Upward Aim
Have you chosen to surround yourself with people who support your upward aim? Various life experiences have taught me the wisdom of doing so. Following are three such experiences:
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It was wrong, and I knew it. Even so, I couldn’t resist.
With a small spoon in the front pocket of my Jordache jeans, and the crazed determination of a chocolate addict, I made my way towards the laundry room to my destination—the freezer.
Secret Indulgence
Inside the freezer, carefully hidden behind pounds of frozen hamburger and a family-sized bag of peas, was my favorite ice cream—Tin Roof Sundae.
Climbing carefully onto the laundry folding counter, I slowly opened the freezer door. Retrieving the spoon from my jeans pocket, I reached for the tub of ice cream.
Removing the lid, I saw immediately what I was after—chocolate-covered peanuts.
“I’ll only take a few,” I told myself. Digging my spoon into the creamy vanilla concoction, I uncovered the first delectable nut.
Thirty-five nuts later, I felt like I was just getting started.
The ice cream, however, was beginning to look like scrambled eggs from all the stirring around I’d done to collect more nuts. Reluctantly, I thought it might be best to stop.
Smoothing the ice cream over the best I could, and replacing the lid on the container, I listened for any sign that I might be discovered by one of my siblings.
As far as I could tell, all was clear.
“Maybe no one will notice the nuts are missing,” I thought, feeling hopeful, as I returned the tub of now “nut-free” ice cream to the freezer. I took great care to reposition it behind the pounds of frozen hamburger and the family-sized bag of frozen peas.
After sliding off the laundry table, I made my escape.
Quietly setting the cold and well-licked spoon into the kitchen sink, I returned to my bedroom to read my current library book—likely, an innocent teeny-bopper romance tale.
Busted!
Two days later, I was in my bedroom reading.
Without warning, I heard my mom call my name from the vicinity of the—ahem!—laundry room.
She called out my first name, followed by my middle name, in a loud and…shall we say…unpleasant voice.
She nearly shrieked my name, in the same frustrated manner I imagine every mother must do when they realize that their carefully-hidden stash of goodies has been discovered, demolished, and devoured.
In that hair-raising moment, I knew.
I knew that she knew about the missing nuts.
And I began to wonder if the chocolate-covered peanuts were worth the coming consequence.
“Leading with love requires that parents set clear limits for children’s behavior.” ~ Spencer W. Kimball
A Bedtime Tradition
My mother calling me out on the stolen peanuts was only the beginning of people calling me out on things.
I grew up sleeping in a double bed with my younger sister. Every night we would have elbow fights with each other.
Surely, every child in the world has had an elbow fight before. However, in the rare case that you don’t know what an elbow fight is, here’s a quick description:
Lying side-by-side, face-up, on our bed, my sister and I would bend an arm and position it over our faces. At the count of three, she would ram her left elbow in the direction of my right elbow. Simultaneously, I would ram my right elbow in the direction of her left elbow. All this was done at a high rate of speed.
If we aimed just right, our elbows would smack together with an incredibly painful whack!
And we were pretty good at hitting our target.
Upon impact, we would immediately grab our wounded elbows with our free hands, and give a tremendous yelp. (This loud yelp may or may not have been heard by our nearest neighbors.) Then we would giggle uproariously for the next two minutes before doing it all over again.
A Deep, Booming Voice
My dad, relaxing in his easy chair in the family room, did not see the humor in our little nightly elbow fight activity.
He wanted us to go to sleep so that he could relax.
After hearing us yelping and giggling until way past our bedtime, he would call out, in a deep booming voice,
“Girls!”
“What?” we would answer, feigning innocence.
“You know what!” he would say, without fail.
And we did know.
We knew it was time to go to sleep.
But, oh!–sometimes it was so hard to be obedient!
“If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?” ~ Hebrews 12:7
Friends Who Desire The Best For You
Years later, when I spent more time with my friends than with my family, my friends would sometimes call me out on some-thing-or-another.
Today, my friends still do.
And I am grateful.
I’m grateful for the friends in my life who loved me during my lowest times, while at the same time encouraging me to rise to greater heights.
Overcoming Anger
After my divorce, I found it easy to be angry. I could also list off one-hundred-and-one reasons why that anger was justified.
Some individuals tried to support me by simply agreeing with everything I shared. However, I found I was drawn to individuals who loved me through the anger and tears, while at the same time challenging me to see things from a different perspective. Ultimately, they would invite me to make judgment based on truth versus based on feelings.
Thankfully, these friends understood that anger is a secondary emotion. The primary emotions to anger are almost always hurt and/or pain.
These friends sat with me for hours, over a period of years. They encouraged me to work through the hurt and pain so that I could eliminate the anger. They invited me to rise to greater heights. (NOTE: It’s a hundred times easier to be angry than it is to work through hurt and pain. However, working through the hurt and pain and eliminating the anger is so worth it!)
These friends saw my negative, rebellious behavior for what it was–evidence of deep hurt and pain. Nevertheless, they helped me face the hurt and pain, unpeeling it layer by layer like an onion. That unpeeling process led to many anquished tears, raw emotions, and, finally, thankfully, incremental healing. They loved me through the duration of the journey, and celebrated with me each time I rose to greater heights.
I’m grateful for these friends who loved me, but not my behavior. I’m grateful that they challenged me to make choices that would lead to my greater happiness.
Such individuals are rare and invaluable.
We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend.
— Robert Louis Stevenson
Surround Yourself With The Best
I am grateful to my mother for calling attention to my dishonest actions.
I am grateful to my father for encouraging me to obey and honor my parents.
And I am grateful to my friends, for bringing to my attention certain actions or choices that are destructive in nature to the person I desire to become.
Getting “caught”, and having one’s shortcomings pointed out in a direct way can be extremely difficult—even painful.
But I’m learning that there is much truth in what Jordan Peterson teaches in his book 12 Rules For Life: An Antidote To Chaos:
“If you surround yourself with people who support your upward aim, they will not tolerate your…destructiveness. They will instead encourage you when you do good for yourself and others and punish you carefully when you do not. This will help bolster your resolve to do what you should do, in the most appropriate and careful manner. It requires strength and daring to stand up near such a person. Have some humility. Have some courage. Use your judgment, and protect yourself from too-uncritical compassion and pity. [Surround yourself] with people who want the best for you.”
Get Jordan Peterson’s Book
12 Rules For Life: The Antidote to Chaos
