What Happened to The Sacred Institution of Marriage?
What happened to the sacred institution of marriage? Why are so many individuals single? Why is divorce so prevalent? And why is the problem getting worse and not better?
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A Lesson from the Past
Homes and families are struggling; relationships are failing.
Reading about the life of my 4th-great-grandfather provided me with a few clues. His history, a portion of which is shared below, is an inspirational account of a man who lived a life of consecration, obedience, sacrifice, personal responsibility, and selflessness. He was ‘outward focused’, as David A. Bednar spoke about so powerfully in his landmark talk, titled “Character of Christ“.
Biography of Aaron Johnson (1806-1877)
“Aaron Johnson’s childhood was one of toil and privation. There were 13 children. His parents were poor but thrifty and the children were well and religiously taught…He had three terms of school in the winter before he was fourteen. At that time he [learned] the blacksmith trade… During this term of service, he gained the rudiments of a common education by studying odd moments and attending night school…
When he was eighteen, he joined the Methodist Church and was a faithful member for twelve years.
When he was 21 he married… In 1836, he and his wife heard of the [restored] Gospel [of Jesus Christ] and were baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He formed an acquaintance with the Prophet Joseph Smith, which grew into the warmest friendship in later life.”
Consecration
“Soon after joining the Church they moved to Kirtland, taking all his property’s value in cash, amounting to $4,500. He placed it in front of the Prophet saying, “There is all the wealth I possess, what shall be done with it?” Joseph Smith led him to the window and pointed to a piece of land containing 80 acres on the edge of town. “Take your money and buy that piece of land, build you a house and it shall be yours for an inheritance, and may the Lord bless you.”
The money was thus expended but he was compelled to leave the land in l838, the next year, without receiving a cent for it in consequence of persecution.
At Far West, Missouri, Aaron made another home, spending $500 in cash, but was driven from this place the next year.
He moved from there, in the general expulsion of the Saints, to Quincy, Ill.”
Obedience
“After a short time he moved to Nauvoo, then called Commerce. During the first year he and his family suffered from chills and fever which was very prevalent. For nine months he did not miss the shakes of this disease for a single day. Yet he built two log houses, two brick homes (one of which is standing still, see collage art above), made other improvements, and did the farm work. They remained there seven years, enjoyed good health after the first year, and prospered. Nauvoo was beautiful. Aaron worked two years on the…temple, was on the high council and also was a justice of the peace. They felt at last they had found happiness and peace…
He was with the Prophet at Carthage. Just before the Prophet’s martyrdom, Aaron was called to testify against him. Apostate Mormons said they would kill him if he did not. He was not easily intimidated and held fast to what he believed.
In l846 they were forced to leave Nauvoo. Aaron received $150 for property that was worth $4,000. He had a store there next to the banks of the river.”
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Sacrifice
“In the spring of l850, Aaron sold his property for $270 and started for Utah. He was made captain of a company and had charge of 135 wagons. On the way up the Platte River, the company was visited with dread cholera. Seventeen of the little band died within a few days. In June 27, 1850 his wife…died of cholera and grief over losing their oldest son, …who had died June 15 at age 21. The bodies were wrapped in decent apparel, blankets put around them, and they were put into a shallow grave covered with brush and stones to keep the wolves away…
The company arrived in Salt Lake in the fall of 1850 after four months of difficulties, poor water and insufficient food. After resting a few days and given a warm welcome, Brigham Young selected eight of the best conditioned wagons to go to Hobble Creek to start a colony under the direction of Aaron Johnson.”
Personal Responsibility
“…Aaron was a born leader and organizer, dignified but friendly, with a personality that instilled confidence and enthusiasm in group projects… The speed of progress made toward building a new settlement was almost incomprehensible.
Throughout Aaron’s lifetime, he seemed to grasp opportunities that one less courageous would have insisted did not exist. His optimism and careful preliminary planning inspired others to go along with him. A large adobe cabin in the center of the fort was built for religious, educational and social purposes…
Aaron had an unusually busy life, as leader, Bishop, District Judge and Territorial Senator.”
Hospitality
“[The town] soon had the best roads in the county and the most bridges. There were flour mills, molasses mills and artesian wells and canals, and ditches were dug. Somehow Aaron had the power to make each one eager to do his work well.
The big Johnson home…was for many years the social center of the town. Aaron [now remarried] and his older sons did most of the work on the home…
…Even with his large family, there was always room to take care of newcomers, stranded immigrants, dignitaries and even the Indians. Aaron was an unfailing friend to them and they were always welcome. Some have said that life in the Johnson home was more like that in an institution because there was such a system of organization in the affairs of the household. There was a perfect smoothness and tasks were rotated. In his character honesty, morality, and charity predominated. He was strictly temperate in his habits. He always kept an open house for the traveler and stranger, never making any charges.”
Selflessness
“He was ready to assist the poor. Many a poor man will say he got his start from Bishop Aaron Johnson. He would rather suffer wrong than do wrong. During the grasshopper war, the current price of flour was $24. He sold his surplus for $6. On New Year’s Day in l869, he burned up $1000 in notes. He said “they are poorer than I, and I don’t want to distress them to pay me back.” On his settlement with the general tithing office, whose agent he had been for 10 years at Springville, the institution was indebted to him $15,000.
He built two schoolhouses during his residence in Springville from his private means and did all in his power to spread knowledge and useful information among the people.
He died just before his 72nd birthday. The cause of his death [is] listed as exhaustion. Court was in session when the news arrived, and it was adjourned in his honor.” Source: familysearch.org
My 4th-great-grandfather lived life with the motto: “Father, here am I, send me”. Lust was not in his character. He was a man of virtue and principle who positioned God first in his life. His principled life laid the foundation for a happy marriage and home life.
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Modern-day Dilemma
Love vs. Lust
Sadly, in our world, consecration, obedience, sacrifice, personal responsibility, and selflessness are becoming increasingly counter-cultural, where things like lust rule and reign in the hearts and minds of many.
Lust is all about taking, rule-breaking, selfishness, doing what one wants, and not taking responsibilty for one’s actions.
Lust is ‘inner focused’.
Love cannot co-exist with lust.
The fruits of love bring creativity.
Love creates trust, joy, peace, and happy memories.
Love creates healthy, happy relationships, and a personal relationship with God.
The fruits of lust bring destruction.
Lust destroys trust, joy, and peace.
Lust destroys relationships with family and friends, and one’s relationship with God.
In addition, lust is passionately inappropriate when it comes to sexual attraction and attraction to things of the world (idolatry).
On the other hand, love is both appropriately passionate and compassionate.
Lust in Everyday Life
What does being lustful look like? Among other things, it can look like the following:
Making physical pleasure the center of one’s relationship.
Watching inappropriate movies, videos, and shows.
Listening to inappropriate music.
Looking at inappropriate images.
Reading inappropriate books.
Focusing on another’s body.
Idolizing moviestars.
Dressing immodestly.
Inappropriate language.
Inappropriate thoughts.
Lust and ‘inner focus’ are destroying relationships and marriages, both inside and outside the church.
Virtue is the opposite of lust.
What is Virtue?
“Virtue is a prerequisite to entering the Lord’s holy temples and to receiving the Spirit’s guidance. Virtue ‘is a pattern of thought and behavior based on high moral standards. It encompasses chastity and moral purity. Virtue begins in the heart and in the mind. It is nurtured in the home.” 2
Consecration, obedience, sacrifice, and chastity are covenants made inside the temple⎯covenants that, when kept, will lead to one’s greatest happiness, now and throughout eternity.
When mistakes are made, when covenants are broken, repentance is possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ for those who accept responsibility for their actions.
When we marry, whether in this life or the next, let it be to someone who is ‘outward focused’ and virtuous. Set your expectations high, and live up to your own expectations. Raise the bar in your own life. Teach your children to do the same.
“Virtuous men and women possess a quiet dignity and inner strength.”
Elaine Dalton
Conclusion
“Marriage between man and woman is ordained of God.” 3
The institution of marriage is sacred.
May we begin seeing marriage with fresh eyes, and in so doing, reverse current negative trends.
May we rejoice in our roles as husbands and wives.
And, finally, may we devote our lives to discipleship⎯consecration, obedience, sacrifice, personal responsibility, and selflessness⎯with a desire to live life “outward-focused, as did my great-grandfather.
Author Notes
Learn more about your family history here. Find stories, photos, and other memories that will bless and inspire you and those you love.
